For the first time!

You know, when you are so good at something, when you know it because the results often speak for themselves, when everyone around you thinks you are good at that thing, when your entire Eco system appreciates you and sings your praises, when your bank account is constantly happy. 

Then one day, just like that....everything just stops moving, just stops working, when everything just stops. And it's dark. Despite them singing your praises, it just stops. 

And I begin to doubt myself, I begin to doubt my capabilities, I begin to think, perhaps I'm a royal screw up, perhaps I'm not as brilliant as I thought I was, perhaps I was never brilliant, perhaps I am. Fraud. 

For the first time in my life, I am doubting myself, I am doubting my capability to deliver, I am doubting if I can actually ever be everything I dreamed of. For the first time in my life, it scares me to fail, I am failing and I can see it, I am not performing at my optimum, I am not churning out what I put in. 

For the first time. 

And for the first time, I do not have a savior to save me. You cannot save me. You will not save me. You have made your choices. 

But, I know I will not drown, I can't. I have a dependent now, I cannot drown. I will not drown. 

I am failing but this is not the end. 

Focus woman!