niap

there are days when i wonder what is happening around me.... there are days i am part of what is happening around me.... there are days that are just days- insignificant yet significant -
there are days when i am soo blue that i almost cannot breathe - they say blue is a color.
not used to feelings of loss -not used to loosing things loosing people loosing my mind loosing -
not used to loss... are you? and if you are how does it feel?
when we both experience loss at the same instance - what happens?
who is supposed to save the other from themselves? who is supposed to hold you up when you are weak? crutches? who is supposed to comfort you who is supposed to lie to you and tell you it will be okay who is supposed to not lie to you and tell you it will not be okay?
michael-angelo was on my mind all day - and all night - i was overwhelmed by deep deep thoughts of michael-angelo - they almost consumed me -
my words my words my thoughts - it was soo cold
you didnt hear it you didnt see it you didnt care

mike

a brother, my brother, kimba's brother,
a son, mom & dad's son
a cousin, a cousin to many many many
a nephew, a nephew to maaannyyy more
a friend, a friend to many more

im angry, confused, upset, sad, vengeful
im many things right now

can't stop wondering what his last moments were like
a second before the car hit him
or a minute before the car hit him
can't stop wondering.
can't stop wondering why the car,
why the driver had to speed wrecklessly,
can't stop wondering why the car had to veer off the road & go up to the pedestrians side
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering what the driver of the vehcile felt like at that moment
can't stop wondering why the driver never bothered to come back and check up on mike after it all happened
can't stop wondering what it will feel like when i finally meet the driver because i intend to
can't stop wondering why the police let him go
can't stop wondering if mike was in pain during his last moments
can't stop wondering if he was thinking about us during his last moments
can't stop wondering how mom & dad feel for the loss of their last kid
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering
can't stop wondering