holy crap - literally

just go to: http://images.google.com
and the type in the word crap and search.

oh yeah - are you as surprised as i am.

holy crap!!!

CUANDO SESMIA DRAMA 101

oh yes, thats what i'd call what happened jana - in the midst of celebrating mrs. ngallows birthday - what happens - THE DEVIL HAPPENS, yeah thats had to be the devil - a day spent soo well, suddenly just BOOM!! erupts some nasty drama 101 show - u shoulda seen us in the fukin middle of langata road - chomokad from the moti to yell at each other at some ungodly hour - oh yeah - and please note - kamau and company can very much come and kick our arses and steal everything and beat us to pulps - but noooo - at that hour - we have had a whole lot to drink and we think we are invincible - and even erm alta wants to walk to tao in protest - heheheh - yeah - walk to tao - ninja kweli - and maze we are ninjas - ive done a lot of strange shit in me life - but nothing like this - ever :) hehehehe - i look back now - and i laugh hysterically - however - it was all for a good cause.
ndevo i tell you!!

WE DONT FIGHT FAIR!

We do it in the dark
With smiles on our faces
We're dropped and well concealed
In secret places...

heheheh.......FOB rock!!

BRANDY - yum yum

The old image of a St Bernard dog with a barrel of brandy (not rum) around his neck dates back to before the second world war. The idea was, that if you are cold, brandy makes you feel warm, so it was assumed to be good for you if you had hypothermia. In fact the mechanism by which you feel warm is the transfer of warm blood from the body core to the surface of the skin, where it gives you a warm glow - just before you die.

During the second world war, research was done to discover why sailors rescued from cold seas were more likely to die than if they were left untreated. The treatment at the time was to warm the body up as quickly as possible and administer alcohol.

When the body temperature drops, the body's reaction is to close down blood flow to the limbs so that the heart and brain can continue to function. This continues until there is once again sufficient energy available to cope with the heart, brain and skin surface. If anything is done to create blood flow to the extremities before the body is ready, the heart and brain can cool catatophically and death can occur. Therefore the correct treatment for hypothermia is to GRADUALLY increase the skin temperature at the same time as giving high sugar liquids such as very sweet beverages.

So if you come across a person with hypothemia, steer well clear of the temptation to give them alcohol.

(pretty kewl huh...??? :0 )

jkldfgh asdghaspdfp'as'dfkpasdu'

jsdklfh sdfasl dfasudf asdfasj diodfghi sdauifg asjkgdfjaskldf jsfh jkbgsdf jh sdfh aoskhf o;ashdflk askldhgf ldhkf

my alta ego

alter ego : An alter ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person. The term is commonly used in literature analysis and comparison to describe characters who are psychologically identical. The term and concept also frequently appear in popular fiction, such as in comic books, for the secret identity of a superhero, vigilante, or crimefighter. Related concepts include avatar, doppelgänger, impersonator, and split personality. It was created in the early 1800s when people first discovered schizophrenia

ya... so anyways.... i just started typing this... and it all vanished.... cant even re-arrange wot it was i wanted to say.
ill try it another day......

or is it just a mask? cant be an alter ego be considered a mask? of sorts?

BLUE MARTINI

take my advice.... when you check into mwendaz for a ndwink.... i highly recomend you consume this beverage...... why? let me tell you why.....
...
i pick up "miss german boyfwend", we head out to an unknown place called umoja for a kiddie party.... (some of the things u have to do because u are considered a fwend)... we check into the joint.. have a sumptuious meal...oh.. the mbuzi was fantastic.... and after that... sing happy birthday... watch a bunch of 5 year olds DUNDA SEVERLY to "banjuka tu" and "aii swity nisambazie"... first time i heard that jam... went into an epileptic fit ...laughter and disgust... not a pretty site.....
anyway... we were then served with VAST AMOUNTS OF roy... oh.. yes... yum yum...
ohh... did i mention we got lost?? yeah we did....
anyway...around 9pm..... we decide we really need to get out of that hood... as we have no idea wea we are though we had a blast at the kiddie bash.....
AND WE GET LOST AGAIN... 2 chics... driving around in umoja... looking for the way out..heheheheh.... not clever... but hey... after roy has checkd into ure system... ure supawoman and u can get ureself out of any god damn place!!
anyway... we end up at zeenoz... holla at head boy... ati the fucker is leaving the country.....so we do the usual insulting moments.... and me phone goes off... alta ego i heading home... so ofcos since we are on our way to buffet park to met zip and other miscreants.... i ask him to meet us there.....
OH... head boy had bot us a bottle of richie... oh yeah..... so we proceeded to pour ourselves the ndwink..... (quite the sluts we were) oh yes.... no applogies...
anyways.... we head out to buffet park... holla @ zip and her gurls..... meet alta ego.... looking fantastic as always.... tastes good too :) wink wink
anyways.... by that time... i think i lost my mind in umoja... so some how... we end up in mwendaz... cherono hollas at some point... oh... amnesia slowly creeps in......
we pata a seat upstairs... we seat... we dance on the wall.... perfoming all sorts of obscenities... oh... walls are a good place to dance.... try dancing on the wall... very ....wot am i saying...
anyway.... bubbles.... ahmed and sedusa check in.....
oh.. by that time.. the alta had already grabbed us a blue martini......
AND I DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE THEREAFTER....... except severly and completely huurling my guts out!!! urgh god!

THE BLUE MARTINI ROCKS!@@$#@#

Spider Man 3

this is the awesomest of all the spidey flicks ever!! ever ever!!!! good stuff....


BUT NOWWW!!!
i have major issues... and infact, i shall re-script the ending and some bits of this flick.

1. OUR CHILDREN(and some of us) know that super heros DO NOT CRY
god.. did u see spidey whimper like a wittle gurl?? did u see that?? that was the most disturbing thing about this flick....

2. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

3. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

4. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

5. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

6. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

7. SUPER HEROS DO NOT CRY!!!!

TO INFINITY.... they just dont cry!!

spidey rocks always!!

OJ KRISS DISAINA

MY *&**UR WAT I CAME2NEET 2DAY A BLACK BEAUTY WITH CLASS TOP KENYAN FASHION DESIGNER FASHION. DESIGNER OJKRISS.



ya... at julies babys bash... this dude fellin love with me and sent me this message..

now tell me.... nini hii???
(thiiiiiick jaluo aksent)

The Day i Ate DAWA ZA MINYOOO

so, anyways..... im at the library, lookn for movies and series' oh... btw, guys, go look for dexter the series, love it!!!
and the lost room.

so..anyways... im busy selecting flicks with the usual suspects kwa video lib, then dude is hawking dawa za minyooo, and i remember ive see the dude before the other day at my salon place.... so anyway, the dude and kina mato mamage to convince me that i need to deworm since enyewe i have never dewormed, last time it was done was by me moms and i think i was 10 or less...anyway...
so im like, boss, are u sure theyll work, yes mandam theyl work, so sinikunue sahii, dude says sawa, i had just had lunch, ethiopian, yummy, so the dude shouts and says HAPANA usikule kama umeshiba, it will be useless, so i mlike sawa, now... we plan to check into mwendas at some point, so im like can i drink, hes like only after u munch them, so had to wait for hours and hours..

the i ask him ... side effect? he's like, aiii hii ni high quality sana(KSH 40/-) haina side effects, inasiaga izo vitu kabisa, zinatoka kama ziko siagi..... nauseated but... HIALaRIOUS TO NEAR DEATH....

anyway. i mucnhed the thingys on friday night, and im feeling straneg ion me tummy... but im told it will pass after a few ndays.....


WHICH REMINDS ME, johny bravo told me that his pal SHUT (yes, correct english) a 15 metre tapeworm...imagine that shit, literaly.

THE ELASTOPLAST

So... anyways... one fine saturday evening... "tushtush" and i decide hmmm...lets go party... so we end up somwea in westi, decent saturday.. the last guys i expected to meet... head boy and crew are there... very nice...havent seen yoall in ages, so we have a loose moment of bonding, then i have to go back to our table, so all thru i keep oscilating from our table to kina head boys table, anyway, btw, i danced like hell that day, and i didnt need help, rocked the party like WHOA!

so anywy as always head boy feels the overwhelming urge to say something stoopid...
and the conversation goes somethin like this...
"wewe... u monkey, wot is it with u and big men, so im like...fuck off, ure jelouse coz the only thing thats propbably big is ure head.... so he proceds to tell me, u know.. that dude is just oo kubwa, the dude will tear u, and ull be walking with an elastoplast huko shikiliaring ure things..... ....... i must say at the time, it was hilarious to the point of tearing profusely.... yes it was...........
"
now how is it that u can be puted mpaka u need a freakin elastoplast to hold ure stuff together... think.. the thot,....
hahahahahahha
anyways... we had a fab night... ended well i must say

KOINANGE STREET carnival?????

eh??? are these people for real... got the link.. went through it and i wondered eh??
why koinange street?? why?

anyway...the other day... im busy minding my own busines......(okay im lying, was busy ogling at some dude...), this chic approaches me and tells me how she likes my hair and my glasses.. blah blah shit ive hear before.....anyway... she sits down ON MY TABLE... that im buy waiting on my pals for... and offers to buy me a ndwink.... im like naaa im fine, shes like... no no, i insist.... i think nuthing of it coz im mad at my pals for beeing late... she buys me a ndwink, so anyways...... i soon come to find out that shes the local lesbian whore@!@!!!!!@!@!!@!
anyway... not telling wea this was u guys will figure it out.....
anyways......

haiya

i think i just puked out my soul

im so cute i shit kittens!

ya suicide kittens!

ya.. and shutting i did... like 5 times in one night, now wots that?
so kaset derails me, gets me into choices... i have like a barel of red wines... saying, im leaving just now..... then kaset proceeds to leave and claim how he has a busy morning...nyef nyef....
i feel like shit!! was at work as always as early as always...
made the mistake of riding with mathe in her car this morning..... hmmphh....i can smell akohol... when ndidnd u start ndrinkimg... ... no mommy... its not me, i think someone spilled a drink on my errr...bag yesterday...
weh....

THE pavement!

dance joints/clubs in this town are rather rare..... the other day, the pavement...which btw plays fantastic jamz...kudos to the dj... but, one itsy bitsy issue, they dont allow "unaccompanied" chics...yaani... wot kinda nansens is that... eh... eh? not every chic is a ho, for lookn for dick and charging ridiculous amounts of money like "mia biri" or as i hear some charge u up to 15k.... well, hmmm.... 15k, hmmm..... now, a woman will spread her legs, have some d$%k in her for...lets see, 2-5minutes... (yawwnn!) then, maybe munch that thingy... and god forbid should it have foreskin dangling hukoz...(nausea!) c'mon, it is a proven scientific fact, that it is healthy TO NOT HAVE foreskin..and now, it is a scientific fact, that the risk of HIV infection is lessesnd when you DO NOT HAVE foreskin... i dont think thats rocket science.
AANNYYYWAAAYYYSSS....so for perfoming those acts...and if the dude is into s&m ...maybe now she'll get paid 20k....
now, if u can earn 20k alone in a night.... tell me, tell me, arent a ninja!!!
eh?? eh??

so, theres black cotton, they do dance and rock, wery wery nice..but once a month... BORING!! we need a place, a warehouse that only does dance... and maybe some serious rock..not that sell out shit... we actually need one.....
hmmm...ideas....

oh, and btw... all this is personal opinion and i in no way refer to anyone, these are my observations and 2cents thots... BITE ME!

The Bible is a novel written sometime before 1975 by the Galactic Overlord Xenu in a cave on Mount Doom. The Bible is very similar to other works of science fiction such as The Book of Mormon, The Koran, Dianetics, The Talmud, The Urantia Book, The Bhagavad-Gita, and The New York Times.

for more info: http://www.encyclopediaofstupid.com/stupid/index.php/Bible

nine inch nails

"Love Is Not Enough"
the other day i was listening to some jamz, and i came across NIN's jam, love is not enough, well they have a very interesting view on why love is not enough...... depepnding on how u look at it, i personaly tend to agree with this notion, why? here comes my warped PERSONAL opinion... love? nini hiyo? nani huyo id ask u people..... love and religion... these are just 2 theories i cant quite ever come to terms with, what we are told doesnt ever quite make sense..... maybe love means different things to different people.... an example, how i feel when a see a mercedes kompressor coupe?? is that love? could it be love?
hmmmm...... or, when i munch a slice of hot pizza, melted cheese... ohh...now thats love,, or... a glass of martel.....oh... oh... wuuwi!
anyhuuu......

they say we didnt love a mouth, so it cant complain.

religion is just warped!
ati thos fukin islam extremeists.... run around bombing the world.... ati sijui wot.. 7 virgins??? wot 7 virgins?? can u spell HELL!!! lucifa will be busy playn ping pong on their rear ends.... while sadam plays ping pong on lucifa's rear end... oh... quite the game..
christians arent any better..... gay bishops? female bishops? since we are told that our god is an all loving god.. blah blah.... where does it say that a gay dude/chic cant be a fukin minister, or a servant of god?? where? show me? show me??

bible... very very very pleasant story book, very and highly entertaining, great theories, great people too.
dont just accept everything ure mommy or sunday school teacher says, thats just stoopid and u will have ureelf to blame when all hell breaks loose....
question the shit u dont understand,
the other day i met this dude..... and he stops us right outside chillers, on our way to mwendas, dude is wearing a sack cloth and he proceeds to ask us(us minding our own business) "oh... guys, ure just standing here wasting time and u know the world is ending soon, so we stop look at him and wonder who the fuk are ya!! so im like eh? when.... then oh, he proceeds to open the bible, tell us a lot of nansens, and he even proceeds to say how the saviour is a kikuyu ... and he even shows us on the bible u see, right here,.... isaiah..something....oh, im aching in laughter at that point

and disbelief.... so i notice, hes wearing some strange thingy, i ask... wot are u wearing, ..oh its a sack cloth, huh? wots that? anyway...ide never seen that b4... it was very well tailored. so he proceeds to tell us how he is a lawyer by day... and at night, he is a prophet of god, boss... HES LIKE SUPERMAN, clark mchana doing a lousy job, and usiku hes huko man of steel....hehehaah... or bat man, or jack bauer.....
keith sutherland is huko jack bauer in 24, and on walker texas ranger hes chuck noris....

i have the videos somewea on me phone, ill blog them and guys can cheka.

DECOMPRESSION PERIOD

i dont know why the fuk i called it this... ow well... here i go....

8. CHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!! to the power of infinityCHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!! to the power of infinityCHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!! to the power of infinityCHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!! to the power of infinityCHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!! to the power of infinity

9. LOOK SMART! ACT SMART! ure rear end had better BE SMART!!

10. respect ure mother!!!

WINDSHIELDS mboss

chief boiro has outdone his self this time!:)
BEFORE

AFTER

It's illegal to have a hangi like this, but DAMN it was fun creating it! -
HE EXCLAIMED
the look is kidogo priceless...dontcha think ?? :) hehehahaha

FOB rock!!!

their new shit still rocks! this is how i feel today.
FOB rock!!. And this is how i feel today :)
I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me
I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips
I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped
Back to your family cause I know you will be missed
So you can find a safe place, brace yourself

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Always borrowed
Always you

I found a cure to growing older
I found a cure to growing older

10 things i seek in a man

1. dudes gotta be BIG! BODY SIZE BABY!!... a fetish? im being vain? aaaa...kwendeni... we all gots our preferences.
and thats a prerequisite!

2. intellect (look it up)

3.mboooty!!!
(okay, so im trully vain!)... i know yoall are wondering, nini hiyo?? ill show u some nice man mbooty... wey wery nice

4.dudes gotta have a very very very seariously twisted sense of humor, hes gotta make me laugh till my rib cage shatters! (no 2 ways bout that)

5.dudes gotta be self sufficient and a planner, i dont want dude asking me for FARE!! nini hiyo!! (yes, those are there..fukn scrubs!)
dude's gotta do his thing, and all i do is compliment his status(coz i gots my own) yeah!!
now, if dude is all this and number 1. then goody!

6.as err..someone said, action movies arent the only movies hollywood released(ses)

7. Simplicity and Standards. dude must be able to understand and live by these 2 notions as contradictory as they may seem to the simple mind.

8.CHOKE ME SPANK ME PULL MY HAIR!!
and munch it!!!

c amangu's offspring

tell me that this offspring isnt awesome.....
oh, wot? did i miss the point? oh, im sorry...
now, u guys are just being judgemental, cant a woman just marry whoever the fuk she wants to marry? cant she just disown who ever the fuk she wishes to disown?? eh? eh??
oooh....(this is me loosing focus again).... the offspring is Njust awesome :) oooohhhh.......njust awesome i tell ya...
PISHOP, hakuna kama wewe mandam... hakuna! hehehahaha
(oh, please note, certain alterations made in order to protect actual characters in this soap)

rub me on ure butt!

MOMBASA raha!! we had a blast!!

all i can say .... WE HAD A BLAST!! ill update these phptos some more... theyr soo soo sooooo many mombasa raha!!

THE DAY I DRANK WHISKY(FG), DROVE TO NAIVASHA and ooozed out of the vehicle...literally

so anyways.... on this day...yes, the good old days.... THEY made me consume whisky, vast amounts of whisky, and then THEY let me drive to naivasha....mind u,, i have nooo idea where we were.... however, needless to say i had a good one!! a really good one... yeah good old days :D